


i remember it all too well

by ocdranboo



Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Hoodies, M/M, Retrospective, Title from a Taylor Swift Song, ed mention, flashes of memory, idk how to tag this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-30
Updated: 2019-11-30
Packaged: 2021-02-18 02:20:38
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 888
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21620230
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ocdranboo/pseuds/ocdranboo
Summary: Jared sees Evan in his hoodie and he pines after him
Relationships: Evan Hansen/Jared Kleinman
Comments: 3
Kudos: 67





	i remember it all too well

Evan had stolen his hoodie.

Granted, it probably wasn’t intentional, but still, Evan had it and Jared didn’t. 

Evan had worn it during their fight. He’d shouted words Jared couldn’t believe he was capable of with his fists balled up inside the sleeves. 

Jared had given it to him while they were over at Evan’s house one night doing homework. It was a cold autumn night, but he didn’t mind, because he was with Evan. They’d done their homework, and at some point Jared had draped it over a chair or something and forgot about it. That night, Evan had texted him, “ _hey u left ur hoodie here, i can bring it to u if u want_.” Jared had responded, “ _it’s ok skskjdskjs u can keep it for now_ ” 

Evan hadn’t worn it to school since the fight, but when Jared’s mom was driving him to Dr. Sherman’s office, they passed Evan’s house. He was out in the front yard, reading a huge book, wearing the sweater Jared had left, one of the hoodie strings in his mouth.

That was a habit Evan had picked up from Jared. Seeing him doing that, sitting in his yard, happier then anyone had the right to be, a glass of iced lemonade next to him… something about it made Jared’s blood boil. 

God. Who did he think he _was_ , to be Jared’s best friend for a fucking decade, then sit outside wearing his sweater like he didn’t have a care in the world? 

Logically, Jared knew this was unhealthy and mean and everything else. He knew he shouldn’t be bitter that Evan was happy. It’s what he wanted. All he’d ever wanted was for Evan to be happy. That’s why he’d never told the other boy how he felt. He’d let it all slide, let the time slip away, because he didn’t want to compromise their relationship, didn’t want Evan to feel bad about not liking him that way.

He remembered one day when they’d gone on a long drive to go see a Panic! At The Disco concert. Jared hadn’t been allowed, but Evan had just gotten his driver’s license, so they told their parents they’d gone to the movies and they drove to the stadium to listen. In the car they’d listened to an odd combination of their favourite songs, a playlist they’d made by adding every song on their Spotify accounts into one huge playlist and putting it on shuffle. They’d paid for the tickets out of pocket, which was a huge pain in the bank account, but at least they had the money. Shoving through the crowd was worth it when they arrived at their seats in the stadium and the lights were bright and the songs were loud but Jared’s heartbeat was louder, and it was probably one of the best days of his life.

He’d gotten home the next morning, telling his mom they’d had a sleepover, and he’d been so happy.

Evan and him used to take long walks in the woods, talking about nothing. They’d wander around, stepping on crunchy leaves as they fell, talking about life, about their goals and their troubles and everything that was happening. This stopped at the end of 9th grade, as Jared had broken his leg and was confined in a wheelchair for a long time. That year, they’d made a habit of going out to get ice cream every week on Tuesdays, and despite his struggles with eating, Jared never once regretted it. 

Every once in a while, Jared would forget why he hated Evan so much. He’d forget everything the other had done to him and he’d stop being bitter about it. This was one of those times. He managed to ignore the way Evan had ripped his heart out of his ribcage and stomped on it, spilling glass shards across the floor of the hallway and implanting them in his skin.

Instead, he just remembered the good times, and he wished they could go back to that. He wished he could go back to days spent not leaving each other’s side, to a shared treehouse in Jared’s backyard, to everything they’d shared for a decade and lost when they shouted at each other from across the hallway at school.

Evan had stolen his hoodie, sure, but Jared stole one of his too.

It was a cold day in February, and they’d been getting ice cream and eating it outside, and Jared had shivered and then insisted he wasn’t cold. But Evan unzipped his sweater and draped it over Jared’s shoulder, and the soft fabric felt nice against his cold skin, and the shoved his arms through the sleeves and mumbled a “thanks.” And he “forgot” to give it back the next day, and Evan said “it’s okay, I have more, just keep it,” and Jared did. 

And Jared knew that Evan got driven to his psychiatrist every other month on the third Friday, so on the third Friday of April, he curled up in Evan’s sweater and opened his laptop, browsing the internet in full view of passers-by. His mom was just glad that he was getting sunlight for once, and said nothing of it, but Jared stayed out until he watched Evan’s green Subaru speed by, and hoped he’d gotten his message across. 

**Author's Note:**

> follow me on tumblr @trans-zoe-murphy


End file.
